Home Remedies for Gross Things

Okay so I know it is in bad taste to potentially talk about conjunctivitis on a food blog, but I'm a risky individual and am not ashamed of my pink eye! Mostly I really want it to go away because I have a very important trip to Michigan coming up, which will depend on me being at my best both physically and emotionally.  Sometimes I really feel like my body is sabotaging me.  Maybe I can do a parody of that Beastie Boys song and make it about pink eye. Seriously, this is so maniacally evil.

What to do if you get pink eye.

~don't go to work, even though you are a waitress and ultimately have to pretend you are not sick all the time in order to have a slight chance at paying rent on time, which you have already not done.
~buy those expensive all natural Swiss eyedrops and use a million times
~don't read that paperback with the tiny print
~put other things in or on your eye that you would gladly also drink.
~try to immediately get over your paralyzing fear of eyeballs falling out of your head.  Seriously. Do not watch Minority Report or read stories about pugs whose eyes fall out.
~Cry. It's totally acceptable.
~have an amazing partner who will deal with all of your legit insane, irrational fears of eyeballs falling out and still let you hug him/her as they also hold you down and force eye drops into your disgusting, swollen, stupid eyeballs.

for example:

A compress made of raw honey, warm water, liquid aloe vera, chamomile tea. Warm or Cool, it's up to you.  

An eye flush made of raw honey diluted in warm water and then strained to get all the floaters out.  

Put raw potato slices on your eye.

Try chamomile tea bags as well.

Drink a lot of vitamin c.

That's all! I will draw the line by NOT posting a photo of my unattractive eye ball.

Unhappily yours,

jp